Growth not Guilt
We all try so hard.
We go to school to learn.
We choose a job because we worked hard for it.
We invest an endless amount of time in our jobs in order to move up in the world.
We take chances because we believe we can create something bigger for ourselves and we monitor our health in order to ensure we live long enough to enjoy it all. Until one day we are left sitting in a chair reflecting on only the handful of big moments we can actually remember.
It's miraculous really….how many years we invest into learning, doing and creating things to one day simply be something.. So one day we can look back and say
“I remember when”
We work so hard, create so much and succeed often. Yet millions on a daily basis are still wondering why they can’t be more, have more and do more.
Answer: We never truly believe that we are enough.
You all know I am a HUGE advocate for personal growth.
I believe it is one aspect of your life that you should place an immense amount of energy into. Your own personal growth dictates your capabilities, your power and most importantly the person you are and will one day become.
You also know I read...A LOT.
Since I adopted this little obsession with my own personal growth, I have read a ton of books on every aspect of the mind and body. From how to be a money maker to meditation for the soul. Everything and anything I could find to allow me to view my life, my job and my world from a different perspective….anything that could allow me to grow and learn.
Recently however I found myself sitting in my office with stacks of work papers around me, an overwhelming amount of unread emails a mile long and the intimidating tick-tock of my clock. Each stack of papers held exciting new programs and material for next year, emails were flooded with opportunity and new members and my clock was ticking on a wall in my brand new apartment. Honestly, life couldn’t get any better.. I had just finished 2 long weeks of an incredible vacation and I returned home smiling from ear to ear. Yet as I was getting ready to start my first day back, I was too mentally exhausted to click open on a single email.
I remember thinking to myself.
What is wrong you with you Nicole? Take a deep breath and focus on the first thing you must fix.
Okay, okay hold up here….I took a 2 weeks off…...I’m not broken….
Yet for some reason because I was sitting at my desk with lack of motivation, ambition and results, I decided that certainly there was something wrong with me. That without question I must view the situation from a new perspective and discover what needed to be “fixed”.
This thought reallllllly bothered me and for days an endless amount of guilt began to snowball. "I should have done more.....I should be more grateful....I shouldn't have gotten so off track"..
Where was all of this coming from???
Yesterday, while sitting in my incredibly comfy reading chair surrounded by a sea of pillows (there is no such thing as too many pillow FYI) I found my gaze shift to the giant stack of books on my windowsill. Before I knew it I was reading each title and trying my best to remember if that particular book helped me in anyway.
Some to be honest….I couldn’t remember...OOPS!
Others I could distinctly remember the take home message .
However when I began to bring them all under this giant umbrella I realized that most at one point had me thinking “I am doing it all wrong”. You must change, be more like this and less like that.
WHAM BAMM THANK-YOU MAMM!
This is where it is coming from!!!!!!
And guess what…...THERE ARE MILLIONS OF BOOKS JUST LIKE THIS OUT THERE!
No wonder why from time to time I sit there thinking that I need to begin to work on the next aspect of myself that needs fixing.
NO WONDER WHY I AM EXHAUSTED.
Listen up everyone…….personal growth is exactly what the word implies…..
I want you to think about the growth of a plant for a quick second…
You begin by planting the seed in the soil and watering it. Over time based on the health of the plant you decide what you must provide the plant with in order for it to grow. Maybe it needs more sun, less water, vitamins or simply a break from you always watching over it. Whatever that little plants needs you simply support it as it grows taller and taller, until one day it’s the exact plant it was always destined to become. From then on your one and only job is to maintain the health of the plant and ensure it remains vibrant and green.
You do not at any point decide that the plant isn’t growing at the rate you wish and therefore chop it, pull it, starve it or toss it….
And if you do…..
Well….that’s another conversation for another time…..
My point, is from here on out give your mind and body whatever it requires to be healthy.
Personal growth is about becoming in tune with the person you already are, and evolving that incredible human being every single day. It is not about pushing yourself to be something you are not, or shaming yourself because you life does not resemble mainstream.
You do not need to be fixed.
You do not require band-aids or crutches on your quest to a life you love.
You simply must accept that some days you will fall hard and it will hurt like hell…. It may even leave a scar or two. For some it may take awhile to get back up, others may brush themselves off quickly. Whatever the rebound rate is, that single fall does not imply that you fell because you weren’t good enough to stand, and it most certainly does not mean that you are some broken toy that will refuse to operate until fixed.
It means the next time you fall your reflexes will be a little quicker, your pain a little less and when you stand back up you’ll be just a little taller…
Whoever you are today is enough.
That will never change.
So when things aren’t exactly how you thought they would be remember that who you are is not a reflection of this. Maybe you need a little more sun, water, vitamins and giant hug that reminds you to never stop fighting for yourself.
That my friends is growth.